A long time ago, shortly before his wedding, a wise friend of mine and I had a conversation. I was asking him if he had any concerns about getting married since half of all marriages ended in divorce. He brushed it off, saying that he couldn't think that. If you didn't know that it wasn't going to happen to you, you had no business marrying. Half of marriages fail, sure, but he was in the other half. He knew it and was unshakeable. At the time I thought him naive. Now, slowly coming up on my own wedding, I finally understand. You have to know that all of that applies to other people and not you. Not hope. Not think. Not believe. Know. I know that we're going to be fine. None of the stuff that breaks up marriages is going to happen to us, or if it does, we'll recover.
Now, the obvious counter-argument is that everybody thinks that when they get married. I disagree. I think a lot of people don't have that level of certainty; they get married without knowing that it's the right thing. Furthermore, of the ones that do have that certainty, many shouldn't. They're not self-aware enough. They don't understand the work that goes into a meaningful relationship. They don't know how to balance two wills. They don't know how to disagree productively. They don't know how to be fair. They don't know, well, they don't know a lot of things. Their certainty is wishful thinking. Hope masquerading as knowledge. I, on the other hand, am nothing if not self-aware. I know my faults, and I am determined to overcome them. Jessica is much the same way, although she's much more sane about it. The idea that our marriage could be sunk is just preposterous. On July 10th, when we say "Till death do us part," I know that's what it will take.