The following is a list of common American names you should not use, under any circumstances (including variations):
- Amber
- Ashley
- Avery. Just plain ugly. Only use it if your kid's going to be a pig farmer.
- Bailey (for both boys and girls)
- Brandon (for girls)
- Brianna
- Britney
- Brook(e) (both)
- Caitlin
- Cameron (both)
- Cassidy
- Chase
- Cody (both)
- Connor
- Dakota (both)
- Dylan (both)
- Garrett. I just don't like it.
- Gavin. It just sounds dumb.
- Hadley
- Hailey
- Hayden
- Hunter. C'mon. What are you thinking?
- Jade/Jada
- Jared
- Jasmine
- Jenna
- Jordan (both)
- Kayla
- Kaylee
- Kaylin
- Mikayla
- Kelsey (either)
- Mason. I shouldn't need to explain.
- Parker (either)
- Preston
- Sebastian. This is for his own protection. Besides, I have it on very good authority that boys named Sebastian are insufferable.
- Sierra
- Summer
- Tanner. You've got to be kidding me.
- Taylor
- Tiffany
- Any name that is usually a last name. Spencer, ferinstance. Or Kennedy. FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T NAME YOUR KID KENNEDY.
- A name that is traditionally for boys given to a girl (or vice versa)
- Inventing your own name. I've only seen it not suck once (Hi, Jothan). On the other hand, you have LaKenya Flatreese.
- Names from an ethnicity not your own (unless they have been mainstreamed). Ashanti, for example.
- Unique spellings. Do you really want to cause trouble every time your child has to give his/her name over the phone? Do you want people to mispronounce your child's name because you thought an 'H' made sense in the middle of it? This also includes extra useless letters, like in Erick.
- Sort of in the above category, but sort of not: substituting 'i' where 'y' is traditional (Kelly becoming Kelli) or 'k' where 'c' is traditional (Caleb becoming Kaleb). Erik is ok.
- Any name that sounds like a stripper or porn star name. I've listed the ones I can think of above, but I'm sure there are more.
- Names with special meaning, like Destiny. Hope and Grace are exempted from this rule. Faith is not. Angel is not. Do you really want to hear the same joke fifty thousand times when he/she's crying?
- Names of movie stars, movie characters, or pop stars. Everyone else had the same idea. Trust me. Look up the history of Trinity at the SSA list below. Note the spike after 1999, when "The Matrix" came out.
- Words that are not names. Like Blue or Autumn.
- Avoid diminutives. If you want to call her Katie, name her Katherine anyway. It gives her options. Don't name him Joe; give him a whole name: Joseph. Gracie may be cute when she's three, but when she's thirty she'll want to be Grace. Give her the choice.
- Mystical names, like Maya
- No names ending in Lee
- One name, and one name only
God, reading through the list of top 1000 names for 2002 is depressing. Hayden? Riley? Dakota? Cheyenne? Do I need to add states and state capitals to the forbidden names? What the hell? Tanner? Colton? Sounds like an earth-moving company. TRISTAN?!? Can you imagine a 9-month old baby named TRISTAN? Brayden? GAGE? JALEN?!?!? I'm going to have an aneurysm if I keep reading this list. Kiara? What the hell is that? Are there that many idiot parents out there? Caden? That's #154! And Kaden is #175. Together they'd be #85. 85!!!! Mckenna Delaney Payton!!! Trenton? The capital of NEW JERSEY?!?! Genesis? Kendall Donovan Dawson Riley Harrison Cooper! A whole page of terrible names. I'm stopping here because I'm going to kill myself if I don't.